Heart's Desire
by AllyKat D
Summary: Sheppard experiences hallucinations after touching a mysterious orb made by the Ancients. Odd thing is, hallucinations occur only when Elizabeth is around. Is the orb trying to tell him something? Fun Shweir Sparky fic. Chap 7 posted!
1. Chapter 1

**Heart's Desire**

**Chapter 1**

By Allykat D.

Usual disclaimers apply.

Writer's note: Here's my very first Stargate Atlantis fic. I've fallen in love with this show and plot bunnies attack. They're cruel and relentless little furry things. Lot's of Sparky goodness here. Thank you to Tria for volunteering to beta this. Enjoy and be sure to tell me what you think.

Update note: Since Tria's beta, I've added a lot to the first two chapters. Until this fic is completely finished, I'll be tweaking it and adding to all chapters.

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Name: Heart's Desire

Pairings: Mostly Sparky (Shweir), some Carson and Cadman and maybe Rodney with someone.

Rating: Probably PG-13 for now.

Genre: Romantic comedy

Tagline: Sheppard begins hallucinating after he activates a mysterious orb made by the Ancients. Only problem is, close proximity to Elizabeth appears to induce these visions. Is the orb trying to tell him something?

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Sheppard looked around, P90 held ready across his chest, as he followed Rodney's team. Ronon flanked him to his left.

"It's different down here," Ronon commented. "Other than the corridors smelling like moldy clothes."

"As long as we don't catch anything deadly or find something hungry and nasty I'm okay with musty," Sheppard said. So far, this entire area of the city seemed more… upscale… if he could call it that. Walls were decorated with frescos of the Ancient's society. Windows held lavish stained glass and sunlight sparkling through the panes cast brilliant rainbows on the floors and walls.

A door to his right swished open and Sheppard stopped. He peered inside but other than a silhouette of what looked to be a desk, couldn't see anything.

"Ronon, you go ahead, I'm going to check this out."

Ronon nodded and continued on.

Sheppard entered cautiously, weapon up at ready, his eyes darting for any threat. The lights hummed on, soft and soothing. Not a very threatening room. Maybe an office of some kind? Sheppard relaxed his guard a bit. In fact, he realized, the room itself seemed to emit a restful, calm aura. Odd. But nice.

To one side of the room sat a desk with a few objects on it. Sheppard walked over. A round orb resembling a large green and blue marble rested on a fancy wooden plinth next to a nude female carved in some kind of stone. At the corner of the desk lay a few cubes of black metallic rock. They looked like dice. Wishful thinking, Sheppard thought. The Ancients didn't seem the gambling type. He had to wonder if they had any human foibles. A sound at the doorway caught his attention. Rodney.

Rodney stopped in the middle of the room and gazed around. "Hm. Interesting. It looks different from the other rooms." He spied Sheppard hovering over the desk. "I'll need to examine everything here, so don't touch—-"

"This is kinda cool. It reminds me of a marble I had when I was a kid." Sheppard plucked the blue-green orb off its fancy wooden pedestal. A light came on inside, glowing faintly and a warmth flooded his body, almost like a quick immersion in a hot tub. It felt…. good. He folded his hand around the marble and another streamer of warmth wound its way to his head and down to his feet. He closed his eyes as a pleasing lethargy stole over him, and for the first time in a long time, he felt very at peace with himself and his surroundings.

"I told you not to touch anything!" Rodney made a beeline to Sheppard and stared at the glowing orb in his hand. "What just happened?"

"Nothing happened." Sheppard opened his eyes and looked at the marble in his hand. It was still glowing, still warm, still sending out tendrils of peace and calm.

"Hmm, look at that. Glowing device made by the Ancients. That qualifies as something happening. And I saw your expression. You looked startled."

Sheppard shrugged. "Just… it feels warm. Nothing bad."

Rodney glared. "Do I have to remind you that some of the Ancient's technology isn't all benign?"

"It's not dangerous."

"And you know that how? You've suddenly become our foremost expert in Ancient's technology? Ah," Rodney said as one of his assistants walked into the room. "Bag. Gloves."

The assistant took out a bag and a rubber glove. Rodney pulled on the glove and held out his hand.

Sheppard reluctantly handed him the marble. "If it checks out, I want it back."

"Fine, but until then, I want to make certain it doesn't turn you into a wraith or something."

"Or something..." Sheppard muttered.

Ronon walked in. "Everyone okay in here?"

"Yes, unless you count Sheppard touching--" Rodney began.

"What's this?" Ronon picked up the stone carving of the voluptuous naked woman. His eyes lit up. "Interesting. I like it."

"You would." Rodney yanked it out of his hand and passed it to his assistant. "Stop touching! How many times do people have to contract mortal diseases and die horrible painful deaths before we learn not to touch! What are we? First graders?"

"What's a first grader?" Ronon asked.

"Why does that question not surprise me," Rodney muttered, disgusted. With a gloved hand he plunked one of the metallic stone cubes off the desk.

"So what do you think this place was?" Sheppard asked, looking over Rodney's shoulder. Ronon joined him.

Rodney pursed his lips in irritation. "It's a room, Colonel. What do you think? I share a Vulcan mind meld with the long dead Ancients? I don't know and I won't know unless I have time to study the objects without you touching them!" He looked up and glared at the two men hovering above him. He snorted in irritation. "It's impossible to get anything meaningful accomplished with Conan and Kirk breathing down my neck. Do something useful and see to the rest of the team."

Sheppard leaned over Rodney. "I want my marble back when you're done."

"Yes, well, I'd give you more marbles if I had them because it certainly seems like you've lost all of yours."

Ronon and Sheppard walked out of the room.

"Half the time I don't know what he's talking about," Ronon commented.

"I wouldn't worry too much, most of us feel the same way. Sometimes when people are really smart like Rodney, it hurts their heads."

"Truly."

"Well maybe not always, but in Rodney's case, it's probably true."

"I know if my head hurt, I'd be grumpy." Ronon said. "What's a Vulcan?"

"It's a show on TV."

"You mean that box."

"The box."

"So the Vulcan is a show on the box. Like football."

"Football isn't a show, it's a sport that shown on the box. The Vulcan is an alien on a show on the box." Sheppard said. He turned and found Rodney, look of sheer amazement on his face, staring between the two of them like he was watching a ping pong ball match.

"Not so oddly, the stooges come to mind at this very moment. Excuse me." Rodney brushed by them, then stopped, turned. "Stay here. Guard room. Don't go in. Don't touch. Simple enough?"

(End of Chapter 1)


	2. Chapter 2

This fic is looking to be about 4 or 5 chapters and wow, I'm having a blast writing this. Thanks for all the reviews. They're very motivating.

-Allykat

**Chapter 2: Heart's Desire**

John Sheppard looked at his watch and hurried down the corridor. He had a few minutes before the briefing.

As he drew by Carson's medical bay, the door slid open and Teyla and a young Athosian girl stepped out. He stopped and immediately noticed a little brown bunny cradled in the little girl's arms. It had a bandaged paw. Carson stood in the doorway looking a bit self-conscious.

"Teyla," John greeted. He looked at Carson. "I didn't know you were a veterinarian, doc."

"I'm not, but the girl's wee pet needing doctoring, and well, I'm a doctor."

Teyla laid a hand on the young girl's shoulder. "Can you thank the doctor, Silvie?"

"Thank you, Dr. Beckett," Silvie said, then flashed John a grin. "Who are you?"

"This is Colonel Sheppard," Teyla answered.

"Hi. Do you want to pet my rabbit? Her name is Lilly."

"Very nice." He gave Lilly a cursory scratch on the head. Sure it was cute, but he wasn't a rodent kinda guy.

"You go on along now, love." Carson said to Silvie. The girl trotted away, hugging her pet and giving it a smooch on the head.

"Briefing, Carson," John said. "From what I understand, you're in on it, too."

"Ah, the Pashant people," Carson said, lacing his hands behind his back. "They seem decent. I'm eager to help. I know I can give them a leg up on their vaccinations."

John, flanked by Carson and Teyla, continued up the corridor.

"It's been many years since I've seen the Pashants," Teyla said. "I've heard that you have reservations dealing with them Colonel?"

"Yeah, sorry if I don't seem real excited. My past experiences with the Genii have me a bit on edge. Nice simple people on the outside, nukes and secret underground labs on the inside."

"These people are not like the Genii."

"Let's just say that after the Genii, I'm going to hold back comment until after it's all over."

The three walked in companionable silence for a few moments.

Teyla tilted her head at John. "I get a sense you didn't care for Silvie's rabbit. You don't like animals?"

"Oh, I like animals, but dogs are more my thing. There's more interaction there. In my 1st grade class we had a bunny that bit, so I learned to keep my fingers out of its cage." He paused, smirked as he reconsidered. There were some bunnies he liked, but they were the costumed kind of the Playboy persuasion.

The three of them strolled into the briefing room. John gave a nod to his team and took a chair next to Rodney. "Where's our fearless leader?"

"She said she'd be along in a moment," Rodney answered not looking up from his datapad. "Now please don't talk."

John ignored the scientist and lowered his voice.

"Have you had the chance to figure out what… that marble is?"

Rodney looked up from his datapad and regarded the Colonel like he would a slug on a log. "I'm sure you find it amazing that I haven't, seeing that I have so little to occupy my time—"

"Sorry I'm late," Elizabeth said as she walked into the room. The briefing room panels closed behind her.

John gave Rodney a half-hearted glare. "Well, when you get a chance in your copious spare time---". He swung around in his seat. His breath left his body.

Elizabeth was wearing a… playboy bunny outfit?

Satin pink. Long fuzzy ears.

John bolted from his chair, stumbled and almost fell.

Startled, the rest of the team swiveled in unison to stare at him.

Heat spread up under his face. He tried to breath but his chest felt constricted. He panted. Stared.

She looked… fabulous. No… amazing. Had her legs always looked that good? She turned to pull up a chair and he got a good look at the back of the costume.

John's knees wobbled. He closed his eyes. A strangled sound bubbled from his throat. He grabbed onto the back of the chair to keep from falling.

Holy Hail Marys. The costume had the fuzzy bunny tail.

Elizabeth returned his stare, one eyebrow raised in question. "Colonel?"

"I… I… p--pink," he stuttered and looked around the table. Everyone was staring at him. Were they all blind?

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked. She leaned down to place her note pad on the table and John got a good look down the low cut front. His hand twitched. Cleavage. Damn! Why hadn't he noticed this before?

"Wha… Eliz… does… " John tried to speak. No one seemed to understand.

"Hm." Rodney leaned back, staring at John. "Articulate as always. Please continue, Colonel."

"Bunny…"

Major Lorne looked at his commander then at Elizabeth and Rodney. "Did he say bunny?"

"I believe he did," Rodney said. "So enlightening, isn't he?"

"One of my people brought her pet rabbit to Doctor Beckett," Teyla said, turning to the good doctor who stood and approached John.

Elizabeth came at John. Her hips swayed. He swallowed. Temptation.

"John?"

John's mouth went dry. He backed up because if he didn't, he'd have to pet that tail and a rapidly receding, coherent part of his brain told him that would be a bad idea.

"Pink… tail, fluffy. Can't you all see this?" He shouted. His boot heel jammed on the chair and he went down with a CLANG taking the chair with him! Everyone jumped up.

"John!" Elizabeth said. She and Carson ran over to him and knelt down next to him. "Are you okay?"

"My head," John said, face scrunched in pain.

"I'm sure it couldn't have hurt too much," Rodney commented. Elizabeth glared him into silence.

John opened one eye. Big mistake. Elizabeth's cleavage beckoned. He squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't supposed to think this way about Atlantis' leader. What is wrong with you man? Stop it! He commanded his brain. STOP! He opened his eyes. The playboy bunny suit was gone replaced by her regular red and gray uniform. He blew out a long breath.

Carson helped him to a sitting position. John rubbed the back of his head where a big lump was forming. "I think I'm okay."

Carson inspected his head. "You've got a bad bump there, lad."

"I'm fine. I think."

Ronon , standing above them, leaned down and offered a hand and John took it. Ronon pulled him easily to his feet. "Colonel?"

"I'm fine. Really. You can all stop looking at me like that." He cleared his throat, trying to cover his embarrassment.

"Well, I for one wish I had all this on disk. It's not everyday I get to witness the commanding officer of this facility flail about the floor like a fish. Hm." Rodney smiled.

"Glad I could provide some amusement," John said, tipping his chair back up and sitting down.

"There's so little of it here, that one has to take what's offered." Rodney crossed his arms and smiled hugely.

John looked around at the faces staring intently at him. "Would everyone just stop?"

"Shall we get started?" Elizabeth said to the team, but her eyes were on John, worried, as she returned to her chair. "I think after this you should see Carson."

"No really—"

"I insist. You've been down in parts of the city we've never explored and there are dangers."

"Especially when you touch things I tell you not to touch," Rodney muttered.

Elizabeth sat down and started the briefing. John and his team had discovered a world so far untouched by the Wraith during the recent cullings. The Pashant people, as they called themselves, had abundant food supplies they were willing to trade along with livestock that the Athosian's could raise on the mainland. John liked the idea of a good steak, maybe the possibility of a cheeseburger. The people were, so far, friendly and cooperative, their technology fairly advanced. In trade, they wanted some of Carson's time in their hospital and some medical supplies. Carson was happy to help.

John listened to the briefing all the while staring at his hands. Usually he paid more attention since any off world excursion included elements of danger, but this time is mind was busy grappling with the improbable vision of pink Playboy bunny Elizabeth. A part of him wanted to look up, but he wasn't sure if he could… control himself.

"That's it," Elizabeth said. "The team will leave tomorrow at 0800 hours. Major Lorne, Carson and Colonel Sheppard, I'd like you to stay for a moment."

_Here it comes_, John thought. Sometimes Elizabeth was a bit too protective.

When everyone had gone, Elizabeth looked closely at John, then turned to Lorne. "Major, you'll spearhead this trade for us. John, I want Carson to give you a thorough checkup tonight and keep you for observation until he leaves tomorrow."

"You're letting Lorne go?" John asked, bristling. "Wait a minute. You're relieving me of duty! You can't do that."

"For now, I can and I am. Don't give me a hard time about this John or I will have you confined to quarters until I'm certain you are fit for duty."

"I'm fit! Look at me." He spread out his arms. "Fit as a fiddle." In fact, he felt great, except for the throbbing bump on his head, but he'd had much worse.

"I think I should be the judge of that, laddie. That wasn't normal you falling on the floor like that. It scared us all."

"Listen to Carson if you won't listen to me," Elizabeth said. "All I'm asking is that you to stay behind until Carson gives you a clean bill of health, I don't think that's unreasonable." She stepped closer and touched his arm, a feather light touch. "Please do this for me, John."

Major mistake.

Bunny Elizabeth appeared in all her pink curvy glory.

Damn!

John stared. His gaze slide down, then up from fine feet encased in pink heels, to the bunny ears on top of her head with a stop at the cleavage on the way up. Jesus. Did she always look this good under her clothes? He had to wonder if his sex deprived body was telling his brain to get with the program. But with Elizabeth? He liked her. Respected her. She was smart as hell, and attractive, but he couldn't imagine her putting up with any amorous advances from him. Well… He'd never know if he didn't try.

"John?" Elizabeth said.

He gently grasped her wrist and a marvelous warmth flooded his entire body, much stronger than when he touched the marble. Yes. She was what he needed.

Elizabeth filled his sight and the room and everyone in it faded away until it was only her. Large beautiful eyes blinking at him. "Pink bunny," he muttered and began to pull her closer.

"Have you been…. drinking, John?" Elizabeth, brows together, searched his face and stepped close as if to sniff his breath. He focused on those lips. And oh, they were nice lips. Her scent. Wonderful. He closed his eyes.

Major Lorne stepped in between them and snapped his fingers in front of John's face. "Colonel, sir?"

"He was fine earlier," Carson said. "He did touch a rabbit, but if it was something the rabbit was carrying, I would be affected."

"Rabbit?" Elizabeth asked.

"Aye, I doctored it for an Athosian lass."

John tried to dodge around Lorne, but Lorne kept getting in his way. Elizabeth pulled away and the warmth left John's body. It was like the sun had been covered with clouds.

"Uh, Dr. Weir, the Colonel's drooling," Major Lorne commented.

In some far part of John's brain, the words registered but he couldn't find the voice to disagree. He didn't drool, but frankly, he was beyond caring if he was drooling. He wanted to… touch Pink Bunny Elizabeth.

Fluffy bunny tail, his brain said and he groaned out loud.

"Come on, Colonel," Carson said gently taking John's arm and pulling him. Lorne took the other arm. John didn't want to go and tried to shake them off.

"No…"

"Sorry, laddie. You're coming with us," Carson insisted.

On the way out, John couldn't help but turn to get a look at that fuzzy bunny tail. "I think I like rabbits."

"He's delirious," Lorne said.

(TBC)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Heart's Desire**

As they neared Carson's sick bay, the visions of Elizabeth's pink bunny suit faded and John shook off Carson and Lorne.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own."

"Not a few minutes ago when you were muttering about bunnies," Major Lorne said and regarded John warily. "And drooling."

"I don't drool."

Carson cleared his throat. "You were drooling."

"I wasn't drooling! And stop looking at me like I'm going to attack you, it's pissing me off."

"Fair enough then," Carson gently inserted himself between Lorne and John. "Let me have a good look at you and we'll figure this out."

John didn't budge. Lorne drew his taser.

John's eyes narrowed on his second-in-command. "You wouldn't."

"We have orders from Dr. Weir," said Lorne.

"And I'm countermanding them. Step down, Major." John's easy going demeanor melted away and Lorne swallowed and stepped back.

Carson pushed the taser down. Lorne tucked it away. "John, it'll take just a moment of your time. Dr. Weir was very firm in her orders, don't blame Lorne for them."

Feeling unusually grumpy, John entered the sick bay followed by Lorne and Carson.

Carson nodded toward his team inside the room, dismissing them.

"Lorne, wait outside," John ordered, and growled when Lorne hesitated. "I'm still your commanding officer."

Carson gave Lorne a barely visible nod and the young Major left.

Carson gestured to an exam table. "Sit."

"There's nothing wrong with me."

"Sorry, laddie, but it didn't appear that way in the briefing room. If you _are _well, then you can go after I have a look. Just cooperate a bit?"

John sat on the table. He felt good. In fact, when he thought about Elizabeth in a bunny suit he felt damn good and he smiled to himself as Carson took his temperature and blood pressure.

"Everything looks normal. Can you tell me how you feel?"

"I feel… great."

Carson wasn't buying it. "Then can you describe to me what you were feeling in the briefing room right before you fell and uh… after? You were muttering something about a bunny. Was it the wee lass's rabbit?"

"No."

"You seemed agitated; does that help bring anything back? Was it the Wraith?"

"No."

"Some type of delayed post stress syndrome? There are times we thought you were dead."

John mouth twitched in irritation. "No and no."

"Kolya?"

"NO!"

Carson's infinite good nature evaporated. "Colonel! I am leaving tomorrow through the gate and you're being a pain in my arse. Seeing that you're facing confinement to your quarters, I would guess you'd be more cooperative. We don't have time to play twenty questions."

"Sorry, doc." John rubbed the back of his neck. "The problem is a little embarrassing."

"Oh!" A drawing realization fell over Carson's expressive face. He nodded sagely and patted John on the shoulder. "Erectile dysfunction is not something to be embarrassed about, lad. Although, I've never heard of it causing hallucinations, maybe in your case---"

"What do you mean in my case?" John asked. "You don't buy into Rodney's Captain Kirk crap?"

Carson's face reddened. "Well, from my own observations there appears to be some indication that—."

"Carson! I don't have erectile dysfunction."

"Right. Of course you don't." Carson frowned as he just realized how ridiculous that was when applied to John.

John crossed his arms. "I'm having hallucinations about… Elizabeth."

"She turned into a rabbit?" Carson asked, incredulous.

"Something like that." He peered up at Carson, then looked at his shoes. "This won't go anywhere, will it, doc?"

"Of course not, I have my oath—"

"Yeah, yeah." John couldn't meet Carson's steady gaze. "I saw Elizabeth in… a… er.. Playboy bunny suit," he finished quickly. He looked at the floor. At the door. At his boots. At the table.

"John."

"Yeah."

"Did I hear you correctly? You saw Elizabeth in a Playboy bunny suit?"

"Pink suit. With ears and a tail."

"That's… bad."

"Yeah. Well. No. It's not bad at all. I mean, if you saw what I saw, well, who would have guessed that she looked pretty damn good actually and I really wanted to---"

"Colonel!" Carson interrupted. "That's all I need to know." John felt the tips of his ears redden. Carson continued. "If you're hallucinating about Elizabeth in a … Playboy uh… bunny suit, what might happen in a tight situation? I can't let you go on any missions until we figure this out." Carson drew up a wheeled chair and sat. "Eat anything unusual?"

"I don't think it was the MREs."

Carson shined a light in his eyes. "Do anything? Go anywhere? Perhaps an inhaled hallucinogen? Weren't you down in the city with Rodney? Maybe it was something there and something about the lass's bunny triggered it."

"That sounds ridiculous."

"It does, but stranger things have happened here."

John shook his head, then stopped. "I touched something." Carson looked at him expectantly. "It was a marble, or like a marble and when I held it, it glowed and I felt warm."

"Pain?"

"No, it was quite… pleasant. Rodney has it."

"Did he touch it?"

"He used gloves and handed me my ass for touching it."

"Wise man." Carson tapped his earpiece. "Rodney, could you come down sick bay? Bring that device Colonel Sheppard found."

0101010101010101010101010110101011010101010101101011010110101010101101010101011010110101101

Elizabeth walked down the corridor to the sick bay. She was worried about John more than she let on during the briefing. Keeping her mind on the business at hand had been difficult, but she'd managed. In the past, she had observed John in a lot of dangerous situations, and he was always unnaturally calm and fearless, bordering on cocky. Not bordering at all, she corrected herself. He was cocky. Major Lorne was capable, but John she trusted, even when he did something hair-brained she knew he had a good reason.

Professionally, she needed John for the mission on Pashant and personally… well she often found herself pushing personal feelings away so she didn't have to examine them too closely. Every time John walked through that gate, she fought down a flood of personal feelings that gathered in the pit of her stomach. He led a dangerous life, but it was necessary for the continuing survival of Atlantis. She often consoled herself with the realization that if anyone could get out of a sticky situation, John could. Elizabeth smiled despite her worry. She swore he was going to kiss her in the briefing room. Kiss her! Elizabeth's smile grew broader. That was something she never expected from him. And she'd never seen such a look on his face before.

Elizabeth stopped at the door to sick bay, it swished open and she entered.

Rodney stood by Carson, backs to her and their bodies blocked her view of John. Their three heads were together, completely oblivious to anything else around them. Rodney, in his gloved hand, held a glowing marble about the size of a golf ball. She moved closer for a look.

"Do you have any idea what this thing is?" Carson asked.

Rodney replied. "Between today in the city and the briefing, no I haven't."

"This thing might be the reason John is seeing Dr. Weir in playboy bunny suits."

John groaned.

A huge grin spread across Rodney's face and he snickered. "You're kidding me right." His smile increased. "Isn't this par for the course? Normal even for Captain Kirk here? Colonel, I bet you're seeing all the women on base in playboy bunny suits. Maybe I should touch the the thing."

"Rodney," John growled. "It's only Elizabeth."

"_Only_ Elizabeth? Hm. Now isn't that interesting. Are you trying to tell us something, Colonel?"

"Shut up Rodney."

Rodney suddenly snapped his fingers, now all business, his lopsided grin vanished. "Maybe that _is_ what the device is trying to tell John."

"What is it telling him? That it wants him to see me… in a playboy bunny suit?" Elizabeth crossed her arms and one eyebrow rose. Three heads swiveled suddenly in her direction. If the situation were different, it would have been comical. They all looked so very guilty, John especially. She shouldered Carson and Rodney aside and stood in front of her facility's commanding officer.

"What do you see now?"

John squeezed his eyes shut. If the Daedalus was here, he'd love Caldwell to beam him up. He wanted to be anywhere but here. _Think of something benign_, he ordered himself. Football! Yeah. Football. He mentally ran through some of his favorite plays.

God, Elizabeth was close. He could feel her next to him. The warmth of her. She brushed his leg with hers.

"John," she said somewhere near his ear.

He opened his eyes. _Oh god_.

"Cha… Cheerleader," he said in a strangled voice. Oh God, he'd always loved watching the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

Pom Poms dangled from her hands. She looked incredibly… sexy. He grabbed her hand and again, warmth filled him. This had to be the right thing to do a fading coherent voice assured him.

John pulled Elizabeth between his legs, ran a hand behind her head through her soft hair and pulled her lips down to his.

(TBC)


	4. Chapter 4

Note: I was wrong about the length. I think this'll be more of a 6-parter. I'll be working on chapter 5 today. I'd like to finish by the end of the week. Again, thanks to Tria for her beta help, for making Sparky suggestions and keeping me on track with characterization.

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**Heart's Desire: Chapter 4**

It was true that Colonel Sheppard was not only exceedingly handsome, but very charming and charismatic. To wrap up the fine package of all these traits, he was intelligent. Dangerous combinations, any two of these, but add them all together in one man? Devastating. Acknowledging these traits was like acknowledging that the sun was hot or the grass was green; it's a given, a fact of life. However, Elizabeth had made herself immune to John Sheppard's many charms by simply not allowing herself to be affected. She daily shored up her façade of professionalism with morning pep talks about how this was better for them and Atlantis. So, his charms bounced off the walls she had constructed. Those walls cracked once when she allowed herself to hug him, so happy she'd been to see him safe and well. Around him she prided herself in remaining professional and to cordon off any personal emotion. Okay, that roguish smile had made her agree to his schemes once or twice. Well, maybe more than once or twice, if she was being honest with herself.

All this flashed through her mind in the click of a second.

To keep her wall healthy and strong demanded that she not allow Atlantis' military commander to kiss her. It just wasn't the way things needed to be done.

She raised her hands and planted them on his shoulders to push him away; she didn't care what Ancient device held sway over his mind. She still had a full grip on all her facilities even if he obviously didn't, and kissing like teenagers in front of her chief scientist and lead medical doctor was inappropriate.

John closed his knees around her thighs, trapping her; she started to push away. Then her lips met his. She had kissed men, but this, this was like sharing one existence. A blending of souls.

Carson Beckett who? 

Rodney McKay who?

There was only Colonel John Sheppard.

Warmth filled her entire being, gentle, soothing and as he deepened the kiss, it became the most natural thing in the world, melting away misgivings and doubts, fears and qualms. His free hand came up from the exam table and encircled her waist, pulling her closer to him, the other hand cradling her cheek.

Elizabeth's hands stopped pushing John away, they slid over his shoulders and instead gathered him closer, reveling in the strength she found in him, and finally she allowed herself to sink into the beautiful rhapsody that was this kiss. 

And something told her it was the right thing to do.

On Rodney's hand, the marble ignited in a blue curtain of light that leaped over and surrounded John and Elizabeth.

Rodney stared.

Carson stared."I never knew," Carson finally managed to croak out. "I mean, but when you think about it, it makes sense. Maybe. I mean, they're relationship appeared professional, but I've seen sparks between them."

Rodney looked from the marble to the two leaders of Atlantis locked in an extremely passionate embrace.

"I get it," Rodney murmured.

"No, I think he's getting it," Carson corrected, then realized that wasn't what Rodney meant.

"I know what this is. Follow me."

"I think that would be best," Carson replied, looking over his shoulder at Sheppard and Elizabeth.

Outside the medical bay, Rodney held out the marble.

"I have a theory. Hold it."

"With my bare hands?" Carson hesitated. "You know what it does?"

"Oh for pity's sake." He tapped his ear mic. "Lt. Cadman, could you come down to medical bay please."

"What are you doing?" Carson said.

"I'm proving my point."

"With Cadman?"

"You like her, correct? You've been on dates, correct? There is something that you each find attractive about the other, let's put it to the test."

"I'm not sure about this, Rodney. Laura's a nice girl but I don't think I'm ready to do… that with her," Carson replied, jerking a thumb toward the medical bay. "My mum raised me to think these things over first."

Rodney grabbed Carson's hand and slapped the marble into it. "You're babbling. If my theories are correct, you'll soon know if you need to think anything over."

The blue marble ignited and Carson felt a warm trickle down his arm. His eyes widened.

"How do you feel?" Rodney asked, looking at the doctor as if he were a bug under a microscope.

"I feel good." Carson smiled. "Quite good, in fact, and warm." He closed his hand around the marble. "It's very soothing."

"That's what Sheppard said." He looked up the corridor at someone approaching. "Ah. Here she is."

Laura Cadman hurried down the corridor towards them. "Did you need me, Dr. McKay?"

Rodney clasped his hands behind his back and smiled hugely. "Yes, I did. We both did." 

Laura came to a halt and nodded at Carson, her expression softening. "Good evening, Dr. Beckett."

"Ah yes, here it comes, the goofy besotted grin. I think we just saw that on Colonel Sheppard."

Carson wasn't listening. He had moved to Laura's side. "You look lovely tonight, my dear."

Cadman frowned in confusion and looked down at her regulation uniform and ran a hand down her blonde hair. Still, you could see she was flattered by Carson's attention. "Uh… I always wear this."

"What do you see?" Rodney asked and snapped his fingers in front of Carson's face.

"I… I… Do you tap dance, Laura?" Carson asked, beaming, ignoring Rodney.

Laura actually blushed. "I do, doctor. How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." Carson held his arm out. "How would you like to walk with me and tell me about it? Maybe we can take a quiet stroll on the east pier. It's a beautiful evening."

"Sure, I guess I would like that." She took his arm and--

"No, no, no, no, no." Rodney pulled Carson away from Laura. "I hate to break this up, but I need the doctor," he said, pulling Carson away from Laura. "Thank you so much."

"But—" Laura began.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Rodney said. "Don't you have a bomb or something to dismantle?" He turned to the doctor and pulled him to the side. "You look like you've been struck by a meteor. Focus, Carson. What did you see?"

Carson tried to look at Laura over Rodney's shoulder, but the scientist blocked his view. "Carson!"

Carson jumped.

"What did you see?"

"Why, she was wearing the loveliest tap dancing outfit, all sparkly and bonny. Really quite fetching."

Rodney crossed his arms and smiled smugly. "I'm right then."

"Right about what?"

Rodney plucked the orb from Carson's hand. "This shows you potential compatible mates. Do you realize what something like this could do for relationships on earth or anywhere for that matter? How many bad relationships could be avoided and how many more marriages would end in 'til death do us part instead of divorce court? It's absolute genius." 

"You're telling me that… thing the Ancients created helps an individual choose--"

"A suitable partner. Oh, I'm not quite certain how it works at this point, but I'm almost positive I'm right."

Carson poked a thumb toward the medical bay. "Then… that meant Dr. Weir and the colonel--?"

"Are compatible, and case in point, the time we saw them they were looking pretty attuned to one another, wouldn't you agree?" Rodney frowned. "Although, I'm certain the Ancients didn't view potential spouses dressed up as Playboy bunnies or tap dancers. That's our modern brain working with a device 10,000 years old." 

Carson looked longingly down the corridor where Cadman had disappeared. "Can I go now?"

"Oh, right. Just let me know if you see anyone else uh… looking unusually attractive." Carson hurried away and Rodney blathered on. "It would help me prove another theory I have that the device may reveal more than one potential mate so that you have a choice. But what are its criteria? Sexual compatibility as well as… what? Perhaps what it does is simply unveil a possibility or several possibilities? And I wonder if perhaps some attractions are only one way, meaning the holder of the device might see someone compatible but the other person–-"

The medical bay door swished open. Elizabeth looking rumpled and flushed stalked out.

"---is not similarly affected," Rodney trailed off at the look on Elizabeth's face.

"Dr. Weir," he greeted warily with an uncertain smile. She looked ready to slap someone.

"Dr. McKay. What is that thing?"

"It is a… compatibility device."

"Meaning what?"

"It helps those who touch it find a suitable partner by viewing said prospective partner in a different, attractive light. It would have helped to know what it was the Ancients themselves saw in a partner, but sadly that data is unavailable. What I would like to know is what percentage of the female population Sheppard will envision as Playboy bunnies or Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Hm. Maybe if we get our hands on a Victorian Secrets catalogue that would stir the pot up and add a bit of interest, don't you think Dr. Weir. It could be that with the Colonel's predilection for attracting women, that suggestion is all we need." McKay smiled, pleased with that idea. "It may be necessary to gate out to several cities to test my theory and perhaps chart his--"

"McKay!" Elizabeth ground out. "Shut up!"

Rodney watched her stalk away. "Maybe I should consider my theory of one-way attraction—"

The door swished opened and Sheppard hurried out looking more rumpled than usual. There was a red mark on his cheek. "Where?"

"She went that way," Rodney said, and pointed up the hallway. "She looked a bit in shock. Not every day her commanding officer mauls her like a—"

John grabbed Rodney by the shirt collar and rammed him up against the wall. "Shut up, Rodney."

Sheppard was an easy going guy for being a Rambo-type, but Rodney knew he was capable of shedding that affable manner. He'd seen it happen several times and it wasn't a pleasant sight. This was one of those moments that the easy going colonel had vanished and a military badass surfaced that very much wanted to do some ass kicking. Rodney wasn't inclined to volunteer.

"Where did she go?"

Rodney pointed up the corridor, and John released him, turned and trotted quickly away after Elizabeth.

"Hm." Rodney straightened his jacket, then pulled the glove off and folded the device into his bare hand. "Ah. Yes. The warmth is very nice. I thought the Victoria Secret's catalogue idea was brilliant. I think a good place to start would be the rec room." He dropped the device into his pocket and hurried away, a bit of a spring to his stride.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note 4/15/06**: Okay, this chapter was driving me insane. It just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the fic—it didn't flow and I had two parts of myself at war. One part wanted John and Elizabeth together. The other part rebelled against their love scene being OOC, and if you knew me, you'd know that I intensely dislike OOC stories. I caved in to my latter feelings and I've rewritten this chapter. Maybe latter I can write John and Elizabeth in a full brown affair, but this fic being fluffy and humorous didn't really call for a semi-heavy sex scene. If any reader wants the smut filled version of this chapter, let me know and I'll email it to you.

Thanks again to Tria for her beta help on both versions of this chapter. Chapter 6 is written and should be posted tonight when I get it back from Tria. Other good news is that there was not way I could wrap this up in one chapter so more of this story on the way. Going to start on chap 7 right now.

-Ally

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**Chapter 5: Heart's Desire**

John tracked her all the way to her room, trying his best to catch up without looking too desperate. As it was, several people tried to stop him and ask him if there was an emergency. There was, but not the kind of emergency they were thinking. As he arrived at Elizabeth's quarters, he saw her disappear through the door and it swished closed. He knocked. Waited. Rubbed his burning cheek. She packed a good wallop when she wanted to.

He leaned a hand on the door. He wasn't going to let it go like this; they'd be avoiding each other for weeks.

"Elizabeth! I want to talk to you."

"There is nothing to talk about," came Elizabeth's muffled response.

"You call what we just did nothing?" John ran a hand through his hair. Okay, maybe to her the kiss was nothing. Maybe he was losing his touch, it's not like he'd had a lot of practice lately, although, he'd never had any complaints, just the opposite. John knocked again. "That tells me that you slapped me over nothing and I'm owed an explanation."

He pressed his ear to the door. Silence.

"Look, I'm sorry, Elizabeth… Dr. Weir." He said through the door. One of Rodney's team members walked by and cast him an odd look, pausing for a moment.

"Is there a problem, Colonel Sheppard?" the man asked.

John gritted his teeth. "There's no problem."

The man lingered. Worried. His eyes darting to Dr. Weir's closed door.

"Don't you have somewhere important to be?" Sheppard snapped.

"It's just that you and Dr. Weir are—"

"Having a minor disagreement," Sheppard interrupted, took a deep breath and reined in his frustration. Punching one of Rodney's subordinates wasn't going to win friends and influence others.

"If you're certain." Although he didn't sound certain.

"Perfectly."

The man nodded and hurried away. John turned back to the door. "Elizabeth. Say something."

"Something," she replied. 

"That's not funny!" he shouted.

"I'm tired, John. It's late. If you want me to clear you for the mission tomorrow, then you're cleared. Other than these delusions you're having, you appear fine."

"Delusions?" he said to himself. He leaned his forehead on the door. "I appreciate your vote of confidence but…." The leash on his temper broke. "Elizabeth! Dammit!" He pounded on the door. "I'm not going to leave until you open this door and talk to me!"

The door suddenly swished open revealing a very red-faced and angry Dr. Weir. "Do you realize you're shouting in a public hallway?" She looked each way down the corridor. "There will be problems if it gets around this city that its two leaders are having a public squabble."

"We're not squabbling, we're disagreeing, and I wouldn't be out here shouting if you'd let me in to talk." He held his arms out to the side in an expressive shrug. "I am sorry if what I did was offensive."

"You've already said that. Apology accepted. Go away," she ground out and turned to go back into her room. John grabbed her hand. She tried to pull away but he held her firmly, careful not to be too aggressive. He tugged her closer and gave her his best disarming, lopsided, shameless grin.

"Elizabeth, I want you to know that I wasn't trying to degrade you or demean your position here by visualizing you in a… er… Playboy bunny suit. I respect you. I have the greatest admiration for you, but you have to believe me, that what I saw was not a bad thing, you look great in pink."

Her face went slack in shock. "Pink? PINK! That's respect!" she shouted in his face and yanked her hand out of his.

"Maybe next time you can tell me what your favorite damn color is so I'll see you in that!" he shouted back.

"BLUE!" Elizabeth turned and retreated back into her room. John jumped forward and wedged himself in the door as it closed.

"Ooof!"

Elizabeth turned to look at him and John was certain the corner of her mouth twitched like she wanted to laugh. He figured he must look pretty ridiculous wedged in the door.

"Help?" he managed.

Elizabeth moved forward and the door swung open. John took advantage of this and hopped inside before it swished closed behind him. Then he wondered if he'd just got himself trapped in the cage with the tiger, judging from the expression on Elizabeth's normally unflustered face. She walked up to him, and John took a step back. Sure he was bigger than she was, and had more training than she did, he knew how to fight a lot better; but that look on her face seemed to dissolve all those advantages.

She poked him hard in the chest with a finger. "How." _Poke_. "Can." _Poke_. "You." _Poke._ "APOLOGIZE! For a man with the experience you are purported to have, you should know better!"

"You looked angry! What am I supposed to do?"

"For such an intelligent military leader, you can be a clueless… OAF!" Elizabeth grabbed John by the front of his shirt, then released him.

He was surprised at her vehemence. "Oaf?"

"You forgot clueless!"

There was a knock at the door. "Is everything okay in there?" a familiar voice asked. It sounded like Zelenka.

"YES!" they shouted in unison. 

"Fine, fine," the voice answered, retreating and mumbling in Czech.

That took the fire out of Sheppard; his shoulders sagged and he ran his hands through his hair. He turned away from her. What a mess. Too bad there wasn't an Ancient device that had a rewind button. "Elizabeth… I don't know how to make this right."

Sheppard felt her move up behind him; her hand touched his shoulder, bringing him around. Her eyes moved over his face. "Are you really sorry?" she asked unexpectedly, her voice soft, the anger gone.

"Honestly?" he replied, looking everywhere but at her. "No."

"Then why apologize?"

Sheppard sat down on her bed. since it was the only place in the room to sit, and she joined him, lacing her fingers in her lap.

"The slap was a good motivator." He touched the red mark on his face and smiled wryly.

"I think I owe you an apology for that," Elizabeth said after a few seconds of silence had ticked off between them.

"How about we just call a truce for now?"

Elizabeth nodded, to John's relief. "Truce. I'll make certain Carson knows that I've cleared you for the mission tomorrow."

"Thanks." John stood up; he was relieved at least that things between them were back to semi-normal, although this wasn't exactly how he wanted this to end. She walked him to the door and it swished open. 

"Oh, and Colonel," she said, a mischievous quirk to her eyebrow. "Next time you kiss a woman, don't apologize." She stepped back, smiled enigmatically, and the door closed.

"What the hell…?" Sheppard was left with the sudden feeling that a hive of Wraith were easier to deal with and understand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **This chapter was a hoot to write. Heh heh. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'll probably post chap 7 tomorrow 4/16/06. If you've been with this story since chapter 1, you may want to go back and reread chapter 5 as I changed it quite a bit and in its old form, it won't make sense with this chapter. If you've just started reading this fic, then you're probably okay. Thanks all for the wonderful reviews. I'm trying very hard to make this entertaining. -Allykat

**------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Sheppard strode down the corridor toward his room. The team would leave through the gate at 0800 so he still had a lot of time to prepare, gather gear and pack other sundries—more than a few unpleasant surprises during off-world excursions had taught him to be prepared for anything. He also wanted to speak with Lorne now that he would be back in charge.

Even though Elizabeth had given him her blessing to go, he still didn't feel right in himself; he didn't like it. He'd had his fair share of women; he enjoyed them and they enjoyed him. Yet, he'd never been so certain of a particular woman being the right one like he had in that moment he'd held  
Elizabeth. One part of his brain was screaming at him for being a stupid fool and breaching the professional relationship that protocol dictated, and the other told him she was the one for him. He didn't know what to think now, or what to believe. Sure, he'd called a truce with Elizabeth, but the problem still remained that he'd kissed her and dammit, he knew she liked it.

"Colonel Sheppard," a voice hailed him.

He turned, spotted Zelenka and reluctantly slowed down.

Zelenka looked back toward Elizabeth's room, questions in his face. "You and uh… the doctor?"

"Fine. Fine. Everything is fine."

"Good," he said, but didn't sound convinced. "I'm looking for Rodney. I was hoping you might know where he is."

"You know, Zelenka, I'm not certain, but you might have good luck if you go to a place with a lot of women."

The scientist looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "I don't understand."

"Try the rec room or the cafeteria," Sheppard said.

"Ah, yes. But--"

Sheppard realized that Rodney was the one person who might be able to straighten this out.

"I need to find McKay myself," Sheppard interrupted. "When I find McKay I'll tell him you're looking for him. You'll be where?"

"Jumper bay."

"I'll send him there."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rodney smiled as he entered the rec room. Firmly in his thoughts he held onto those images of winsome Victoria's Secret underwear models. He went to the drinks counter and poured himself something that looked like Athosian beer.

Ah, he spied one particularly fine woman who worked with Carson. She was smart and blonde. He liked blondes. And he especially liked them in yellow lingerie. This had to be one of the more outstanding days he'd had on Atlantis. And unlike his visions of Colonel Carter in the sinking jumper, these visions were real. Well, almost real, he reminded himself. It was his mind creating them, sure, but at least these visions were created by a coherent mind, and not induced by a concussion or impending death. Rodney decided it was better not to get too philosophical or analytical. Just enjoy, he told himself.

So far the device had shown him more than a few potential mates. From his observations, the images held stronger and for longer on women who probably held greater potential. Ah, he spied Katie Brown. He'd always been somewhat attracted to her. Hmm. Shy, but smart, and who would have thought she'd look so good in wispy scarlet-red underwear. She had more curves than her uniform revealed. Encouraged by his smile, she approached. Rodney silently thanked the Ancients and their devices. The evening was getting better and better. 

"Hello Rodney. You seem in a good mood this evening," Katie said, and she smiled timidly.

"Yes, I do, don't I. Things are definitely looking up." He gripped the device and smiled more broadly. 'Black thong' he thought and held it. The device dutifully obliged him as Katie's underwear changed from red to black.

"We're going to be starting a blackjack game, would you like to join us?"

"Black suits you," he said.

"What?" Katie answered, her brows drawing together in confusion.

"OH… well," Rodney backpedaled. "I mean that blackjack sounds perfect."

His nemesis appeared in the form of Colonel Sheppard.

"McKay,' Sheppard said in the Voice of Doom.

The delightful image of Katie Brown in black underwear flickered under this threat and disappeared. McKay's smile dropped like a stone.

"Colonel, I'm busy—"

Colonel Sheppard grabbed his shoulder in what looked like a friendly grasp but reality it was more like a vice, and Rodney winced. The Colonel had quite a grip when he was angry. McKay's smile dropped further. The colonel hurt people when he was angry.

"Can you excuse us? I need to talk to McKay for a minute." Sheppard was saying to Katie.

It appeared the colonel made the woman uncomfortable. She squeaked out an inaudible answer and scurried away. Rodney stared after her longingly, then yanked his arm out of Sheppard's death grip. "Thank you for that, Colonel."

"I didn't do anything."

"You came stalking in here like an angry wraith ready to feed and you scared her."

"I did not."

"You did and ruined a perfectly good conversation."

"You weren't conversing, you were staring at her like she was… naked." Sheppard gave him a narrow look and glanced at the device in his hand. "McKay?" 

"I'm not as crass as that. Not like you."

"Playboy bunnies are not crass."

Rodney pointed to the red mark still on Sheppard's cheek. "Yes, well, I'm certain that means nothing then and I'm completely wrong." 

"You're wrong." Sheppard's voice dropped to a low, angry octave. "You can safely assume that my night has sucked so far. Killing a wraith with extreme prejudice might improve my outlook, but in lieu of that, the red mark on my face will be nothing compared to the red one I'm going to put on yours if you give me any more crap about this."

"Point taken," Rodney replied and followed Sheppard out of the rec room.

Outside McKay explained his theories about the device and Sheppard listened carefully.

"So when I touched it, I activated it and it's trying to tell me that Elizabeth… Dr. Weir is…"

"A match," Rodney supplied.

"Great." Sheppard again ran a hand through his already mussed hair. He was certain it was sticking up on end by now. "Can I turn it off? I mean, it's going to be difficult to work around Dr. Weir when all I see is her in, well, you know. And we work together a lot."

"Think of something else. Oh, sorry, I forgot it's Captain Kirk I'm talking about so that would be about impossible."

"MCKAY!" Sheppard's fists balled up.

"There's nothing I can do. However, it is a 10,000-year-old device and if we consider the implications of that for a moment instead of Playboy bunnies, then we'll realize that like all power sources here, it won't be long before it dies. So the good news is that it will eventually lose all power." 

"Day, week, month?" Sheppard asked.

"That would be difficult to determine, even if I had a way of measuring its level of remaining power. You'll just have to deal with it and think of different things until the visions fade." 

"Different things? I think of football and she turns into a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. If I think of beer she'll probably turn into the St. Pauli's girl! There's nothing I can think of that won't fill my head with something… something that I shouldn't be seeing when it comes to Dr. Weir!" 

Rodney chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Try to view it from my perspective. The unflappable, confident Colonel Sheppard stumbling over himself for a change might be amusing." Rodney held up the Ancient device. "Who would have known it would take something as simple as this."

--------------------------------------

Zelenka tinkered with the jumper, getting it ready and making sure it was in perfect shape for tomorrow's excursion. A few other people were beginning to load it with supplies needed for the Pashant people. He looked up as McKay walked in.

"Could you see what you think of this," Zelenka started, then did a double take.

Rodney had a black eye.

Zelenka tried to hide a grin but it didn't work. He stifled a chuckle by muffling it and giving a cough. It appeared that someone had finally given into their urge to pop the arrogant scientist. Rodney glared through his one good eye.

"Don't say anything."

Zelenka couldn't help himself. He grinned, and grinned some more and after savoring the sight of McKay with a black eye, he launched into the technical details of the ship with fervor unusual even for him. Whoever had given Rodney the black eye, he wanted to shake their hand.

(TBC)


	7. Chapter 7

Heart's Desire: Chapter 7

"Passengers, this is your pilot Colonel John Sheppard. Please put your trays in the upright position and turn off all electronic equipment," Sheppard said to his crew as the jumper rose from the jumper bay floor.

In the co-pilots seat sat McKay. Behind them sat Lorne and Carson. Carson's full medical team sat in the jump seats in back.

Today, McKay's black eye wasn't too noticeable, thanks to help from Carson. Still, Lorne wouldn't leave it alone. He leaned forwards, hands laced on his knees, a funny grin on his face.

"I'm certain you're enjoying this," McKay finally said when he couldn't stand Lorne's scrutiny any longer.

"So who did it, McKay? Who did you finally piss off enough to deck you one?"

"Probably half his science team," Carson said. He looked angelically innocent when McKay cast him a glare.

McKay turned that glare to Lorne.

"I walked into a knob."

Lorne chuckled. "There are no doorknobs on Atlantis."

"Did anyone hear me say doorknob? No. There was no door in knob. I'll repeat. There are plenty of knobs on Atlantis. " As McKay said this, he glowered sideways at Sheppard, who gave him a happy smile.

"Who's he calling knob?" Lorne asked, clueless.

"Okay now children," Sheppard said. "Let's settle down. We have work to do." Sheppard wondered if he should feel some remorse for giving McKay the shiner, but he didn't, even if McKay was calling him a knob. McKay needed to learn when to shut his flapping mouth.

Elizabeth stood at her usual place on the second story control platform as Sheppard skillfully lowered the jumper. He tried not to look toward her, but it was difficult.

"Good luck," Elizabeth's voice came over the communication line. "Remember to check in at 1100."

"Will do." Sheppard replied, his voice tight, his mind furiously trying to substitute Elizabeth's uniform of gray and red over the vision he was seeing now. "Jumper 1 out."

"St. Pauli girl?" McKay asked, measuring Sheppard's tight expression, and the fact that Sheppard was studiously avoiding looking too much toward Elizabeth.

"And she looks damn good, too." He said and centered the jumper at the shimmering stargate.

"You know, when I was in the United States once, friends took me---."

"You have friends?"

They entered the wormhole and came out the other side over green rolling fields populated by Pegasus Galaxy's version of cattle—actually they looked like an odd cross between a buffalo and a jersey cow. Supposedly they gave good milk and the meat was tasty.

"Very funny, Colonel. Let me continue. I had friends who took me to a place called Hooters, where girls in these little tops—"

"McKay, I've been to Hooters and I know what the girls look like."

"What is Hooters?" Carson asked. Lorne muffled a laugh.

"You'd like it," Lorne commented without further edifying the confused doctor.

"You know, McKay, you're not fooling me. I know what you're up to; you're trying to throw me off by giving me these mental images so you can see me stutter and flail. It ain't going to work."

"I'll think of something."

"Is this payback for the black eye?"

"Something like that," he grumped.

"You deserved it."

"I shouldn't suffer for your inability to control your temper."

"I shouldn't suffer for your inability to control your damn mouth. Not shut up and let me land this thing."

Scattered country homes gave way to denser housing that soon led to a city very much like those at home—The Pashant version of Earth's suburbs. Wood was the main choice of building material. Not surprising since the forests around the city were dense. Off in the distance, from the view of the jumper, Sheppard could see a rock quarry.

Sheppard knew he was to land the jumper near the hospital on the south end of the city. It was a 4 story gray stone building that was easy to locate.

They passed over the prosperous city toward a larger building on the horizon that housed the hospital and its labs. Sheppard put the jumper down on a stretch of grass. Waiting to the side of the area was their Pashant welcoming committee.

When the jumper bay door opened, the entourage walked up to meet them. Sheppard recognized the Mayor of the town Edsen Bradat, a portly man with thinning hair and a cheery smile. He was followed by his wife and two very comely flaxen hair daughters who thankfully stayed put in their conservative dress—no flickers of Hooter girls to be seen anywhere. Inwardly Sheppard breathed a sigh of relief, the last thing he needed was his visions to tell him that these two were compatible.

Carson, as the head diplomat of the trip, came forward to greet the mayor, his wife, the comely daughters, then shook hands with the Pashant's lead scientist. Sheppard remember that McKay liked blondes. He turned to look at him. The scientist looked like he'd taken a blow to the head.

"McKay," Sheppard said and elbowed the scientist. "You're looking at the mayor's daughters like their juicy steaks. Close your mouth."

"My mouth isn't—" he began before he realized indeed his mouth was open. He cleared his throat and leaned over to Sheppard and lowered his voice. "You can't tell me you're not seeing any suitable women in this crowd."

"Can't say I do, McKay, which proves a theory of mine."

"Which is what?"

"That deep inside, you're a bigger horndog than I am."

And for once, the day went Sheppard's way. No hidden Pashant agenda. No nuclear labs. No marauding wraith darts. No girls appearing in inappropriate attire. All that was required of him was to provide assistance to Carson—which the doctor really didn't need—and watch McKay try to keep his cool around the Mayor's daughters, which he did… sort of. Only if Sheppard discounted the scientist mumbling about his Hooter's plan backfiring.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Do I hear you correctly, Colonel Sheppard?" Zelenka was saying.

"You heard me," Sheppard said.

"Cattle?" he sputtered, "in the jumper?"

"I don't think Caldwell would like them in the Daedalus."

Zelenka still looked like he'd been whacked with a cowpie.

"But Colonel…"

Sexy Cowgirl Elizabeth sauntered up right at that moment. Sheppard managed to grab onto the side of the jumper and maintain his calm.

Faded Levis perfectly encased Elizabeth's long legs and molded her shapely butt, and the figure hugging pearl button vest was almost too much for him this early in the morning.

"How are we doing converting the jumpers to carry the cattle?"

"Ye-haw," Sheppard choked out.

"Dr. Weir, I protest," Zelenka started, "these were not meant to carry…"

"I know that," she said in her best diplomatic voice. "But this is a great opportunity to make Atlantis and the Athosians very self-sufficient, between the bags of seed, cattle and….."

All Sheppard heard was blah-blah-blah and instead admired her cowboy hat and tight Levis.

"What do you think, Colonel?" she was saying.

"What?" he asked, and tore his eyes away from the rear of her Levis. "Oh, I think that sounds good."

"Okay, then do it," she told Zelenka. She eyed Sheppard with one raised brow. "I'd like to see you in my office in 5, if you could Colonel."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Sheppard said. "In 5."

He turned to the scientist who was looking pretty disgusted. He lowered his voice. "What… uh… did I just say was good?"

"That you bring the cattle creatures as soon as Lorne gives the okay that the corrals are built."

"Oh, yeah. That's right."

Zelenka was looking at him. "Rodney told me about the device." Sheppard just nodded. "You were seeing something there weren't you?" Sheppard kept his mouth closed. "I was able to measure the energy in the device. It may relieve you to know that it only has approximately 8 to 10 hours of power left in it."

"That's good… good," Sheppard finally replied.

"I have some interesting hypothesis about this device," Zelenka surprised Sheppard by saying. "I would have liked to try it."

"You wouldn't get any work done."

"That's what Rodney said."

On the way to Elizabeth's office, Sheppard cleared his head and tried to think of nothing. And when his brain strayed, he brought it right back to track to… nothing. Random thoughts about the meeting with the Pashant people. Thoughts about getting the cattle into the jumper and to Atlantis' mainland. He smiled. He didn't know who he was going to assign cleanup detail after the cattle had been transported. Whoever it was, they weren't going to thank him for it.

Just before he arrived at Elizabeth's office, he stopped a moment and blanked his mind. Think of nothing, he told himself. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

He stepped inside repeating that mantra and Elizabeth was wearing….

nothing….

Sheppard strangle on a groan. Oh God. Was there nothing he could think that the device couldn't interpret?

Elizabeth looked up from her laptop and smiled. As Sheppard continued to stand, making no efforts to come close, her smile faded. "Colonel?"

He didn't trust himself to speak so he only nodded and looked out at the population of Atlantis going about their business while he, in here, was confronted with Elizabeth wearing…

nothing. Zippo. Zero. Nada. Nothing.

Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"The device?"

"Yes."

"Another Playboy bunny suit, colonel? I hope it's blue this time."

"No and no." He ran a hand through his hair and thought about sitting at the corner of her desk as he usually did. From his place at the door, the computer screen on her laptop covered the best parts. And if he got closer, he knew that he wouldn't be able to resist a peek over the screen. At least from here, she was safe…. Or he was safe. They were both safe. Plus, Sheppard didn't trust himself to let go of the door jamb.

"Your report made no mention of the device causing you any problems on Pashant yesterday."

"Yes."

"Then, there were no problems?"

"No."

She was silent for a moment, then smiled at him, her eyes full of uncharacteristic mischief. "Is this conversation to consist of my questions and your monosyllabic replies?" Sheppard didn't answer and her smile grew. "What did you think of before you came to my office?"

Sheppard wondered if his answer would reward him with another slap. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"So I am wearing—"

"Nothing," Sheppard finished for her.

Elizabeth's laugh surprised Sheppard. She seemed not the slightest bit concerned. She leaned back in her chair and Sheppard felt his knees wobble. Still, the computer screen just covered her. Barely. All he had to do was take one step. One step. His hand trembled on the door jamb.

"I would like to come to Pashant with you tomorrow," Elizabeth said.

This was unexpected, and probably not a good idea, at least. The jumper would live up to its name, because he'd probably jump her. "To… Pashant…"

"That's what we're talking about, correct? At least, I believe that's what we were talking about. I think it would be a good idea that I meet the Pashant's mayor and I would like to see the city so many of you are talking about." Elizabeth closed the laptop screen, and picked up her palm pilot. She stood and talked around the desk toward him.

Sheppard felt like he'd been struck deaf and mute, but definitely not blind. He braced himself against the wall as she approached. As if sensing his discomfort, she purposely stood next to him in all her unclothed glory. He flinched and clenched his hands; one hand finally unfurled and inched toward her. Fingers touched skin, and his hand finally came to rest on the curve of her hip. She reached up a finger and gently touched his temple.

"You're sweating Colonel," she said sweetly, then walked away, her hips swaying. Sheppard watched her go. He could not help but watch her go. She stopped and turned. "When is the jumper leaving in the morning?"

"Uh… at … a… time… some… time..." He tried to clear his head and gather his thoughts, but they were scattered in his head like a million puzzle pieces.

"I gathered it would be at some time. I'll ask Carson," she replied, laughter in her voice, but her face serious as if unaware of his predicament.

Was Elizabeth teasing him? Sheppard had to wonder. He leaned his head against the doorjamb. A cold shower would be nice right about now, as it was, he was in no condition at the moment to walk downstairs.

(TBC)


End file.
